I watched 300 last weekend (see review) and got to thinking about Troy, and how one frame of 300 was better than all frames in Troy. I mean, you couldn’t make a worse period film if you shat one out of your arse. But, I did like the idea of the film. I like the story of Troy, Paris and Achilles. So I got to thinking, I wish, and hope some better director comes up with a better version of Troy, or Paris or Achilles. I got to thinking then about some other films I would love to see remade perhaps because it was bad, and perhaps because I’m curious about what a modern adaptation might look like.

Here are some remakes or better adaptations I would love to see:

• Troy

Why? Cause the first one sucked arse.
Who? Perhaps a director like Ridley Scott or better still, Martin Scorsese or Ang Lee. And perhaps casting less well known UK actors and actresses. British actors and actresses just make sense, don’t you think.

• The Day of the Locust

Why? The first one is fantastic! I would just be curious to see a modern adaptaion of 1930s Hollywood in a less than ideal light.
Who? Maybe Paul Thomas Anderson or Sofia Coppola directing. Maybe Kiefer Sutherland could star as Homer Simpson. (His father Donald starred as Homer in the original) He was quite convincing as the very sheltered, very weird Brooks in Crazy Moon. He’s come a long way since then, but he could pull it off. Perhaps someone like Aaron Eckhart or Viggo Mortensen as the Burgess Meredith character and Maggie Gyllenhaal as the Karen Black character. Hmmm…

• The Ballad of Little Jo

Why? The first one is great! I was thinking of films I’d like to see Gus Van Sant direct. Don’t as me why.
Who? Gus Van Sant directing. An unknown but exceptional actresses as Little Jo Monahan with a cast of relative unknowns with a couple of well knowns for flavor. I think Ye Liu from Curse of the Golden Flower would be a good choice as Little Jo’s Chinese lover Tinman Wong.

• The Inkwell

Why? The original was mediocre, but I liked it anyway. A big fan of coming of age films. I think with a “talented” cast of Black actors this would make a great remaker. Since there are more, I like to think, known and talented Black actors in Hollywood these days, I think it would be good.
Who? Perhaps Spike Lee or Ang Lee. Ang Lee hasn’t done a “race” film yet that wasn’t his own. I’d like to see Michael Ealy and Jeffrey Wright in the cast somewhere. I can see Wright playing the ex-Black Panther paternal figure. He’s a chameleon. As loong as Will Smith and Denzel Washington aren’t in it, I’d see it if it’s a serious and well made remake or adaptation.

• Slapshot

Why? The original was your typical mediocre but fun sports film. Hockey’s a great sport and with the onslaught of football, soccer, baseball and even dance (if you consider it a sport) films that have plagued Hollywood since 1977, we’re due for a good, fun and entertaining hockey film. Mystery Alaska and Mighty Ducks don’t count ’cause they were barely movies. 2004′s Miracle was a great film, however. But, i’d like to see something more fun and less histroy-inspired.
Who? If Oliver Stone could make football, which bores me to tears, interesting for the non-football fan, maybe he could do something for non-hockey fans. As for actors, who cares, as long as they can actually play hockey (even a little) and can act (alot).

• Invasion of the Body Snatchers

Why? The original 1956 one with Dana Wynter and Kevin McCarthy was absolutely great, and the 1978 remake with Donald Sutherland and Brooke Adams was actually quite good. I say it’s time for a moder take on “foreign” invaders taking over human bodies. There’s so much opportunity to make such a film now since, in so many aspects, so many “foreign” or zombie enducing events and technologies plague the world now such as excessive forms of entertainment media, the media, terrorism, etc.

Who? Any group of actors that do not include “young Hollywood” would do. Why is it that a remake means remaking with “young Hollywood”. If “young Hollywood” had much talent, I wouldn’t mind so much. I think a good mix of lesser knowns and new actors and actresses would be ideal. And a very good director would be key. Not very big, not very well known, and not Spielberg!