There’s an old movie theater, The Grand Lake Theater that shows current releases. Sometimes blockbusters and sometimes independent film. Grand Lake Theater’s been around since 1926. It was originally a Vaudeville Show and Silent Movie House. But some time in 1928 The Grand Lake Theater became part of the Fox Theater chain and became a movie house. Though the marquis and the architecture is true to form of 1920s movie houses, they don’t charge 1920s prices. Not that they should, but it would be nice to occasionally experience a bad film and shrug it off ’cause you only paid a buck or two or at least got something free or cheap from the concession stand. Enter “Free Popcorn Wednesdays this Spring” at The Grand Lake Theater. This was put on the marquee a few weeks ago and I got to thinking what it would take to experience that good old theater experience. You know, an exciting film that dares to actually be, I don’t know, good enough not to want to torch the place after spending $9 for a ticket to a film that you could have shat out of your arse for free. I got to thinking, it’s a shame that beautiful theaters can so often go to waste on such ugly films. I got to thinking, about those few, oh so very few times I watched a film in that theater or even a very nice modern theater and had a truly exceptional filmgoing experience. I got to thinking, what makes a filmgoing experience exceptional and what can make one horrible?

**Here’s what I think makes a great film experience feel like an unexpected but unbelievably welcomed orgasm:

• The Theater

Why? Once upon a time, movie houses showed movies with actors acting and scenes relevant to the storyline… ahhh, memories.
When a theater like the Grand Lake Theater shows a film worthy of its name, barring any of the annoyances that make a filmgoing experience annoying (see below), it’s a beautiful experience. The main theater is decked out in art deco architecture, dramatic satin curtains, very comfortable seating and a great view of the scene no matter where you site.

• The Movie

Why? On occasion I don’t feel like kicking the producer of a given movie in the groin.
Recently I saw two really good films. Well one was fantastic, 300, and the other was just really fun and well done, Hot Fuzz. Both films are exceptionally well done. 300 because of it’s look, it’s acting, it’s directing, the whole tamaler. Hot Fuzzz because of its smart writing and fine acting. I love to come out a movie theater and just inhale and exhale as if just taking in pure air rather than the smog and shit that pollutes most movies in the form of bad writing, directing, acting and so forth.

• The Company

Why? Misery loves company, but so does happiness, though happiness needs company less.
One of the worse things about a movie experience is when you see a movie with a “talker” or an idiot. You know what a talker is. One of those people who comments too much on every aspect of a movie while watching the movie as if they’re at home in their pjs on a Friday night. Then there’s the idiot filmgoer who gets turned on by shiny things. I say it’s fine if two idiots or two talkers see a movie together, makes sense. But, I like the quite and smart film patron. The type who shuts the fuck and still manages to fire a few synapses without short circuiting while watching a movie that doesn’t have shit blowing up or people fucking like rabbits every third scene. But, that’s just me.

• The Moment

Why? Once I thought Duets was a good movie..

Duets is a bad movie with a fun concept but I was in the moment for whatever reason. It happens to the best of us. Sometimes you watch a film that seems so good, so worth full price admission one time, but watch it again, and you’re a bit disgusted or ashamed of yourself. I exaggerate, but you get my meaning. I say there’s nothing wrong with being in the moment when watching a film. If you’re feeling it, you’re feeling it. Don’t let anyone take “it” away from you. But, don’t be surprised when “it” bites you in the arse on second look.

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